I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
