Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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