Porn is love you can see.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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