i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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