just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
