you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
