I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
