my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize