So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
