Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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