I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
