can u get pink eye on your cock?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
