My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Dear god my vagina.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize