i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
ugly people sure do ruin things
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
