STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
