drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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