WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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