At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
