Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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