i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
