she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
