Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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