I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Let's get the cat blown out
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
