Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
