He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
