i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
