you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
