made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
