i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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