porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
