i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
