Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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