32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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