I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
