Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
