I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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