no, he came in my armpit
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
