i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
