I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
