my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
