He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
