That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
