Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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