Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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