He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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