we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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