he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
