I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
