Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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