yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
