Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
