do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
