Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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