I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
