i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
