Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
4 words: hood of his car
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
