why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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