Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
