dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
