so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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