3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
