You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
