His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
