This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
