The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
