I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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