Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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