I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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